Where were we? Ah, yes: Crown Optional.  As I shared in my last post, my new name was just asking for some royal treatment (new no more, as we celebrate our tenth anniversary this summer!). I have a life goal (I know I said that already, so I guess I have several life goals): love myself.  I think, in general, I do, but I’m harder on myself than anyone else.  I am inspired by the idea of radical self-love, recently circulated on social media with this image:

Credit: Caroline Caldwell @DIRT_WORSHIP

You’ll find no shortage of articles, blogs, books, memes, greeting cards, television shows, messages in a bottle, or Sanskrit etchings on the concept of self-love.  Because it’s super important.  But the idea that it’s rebellious or radical is new to me. I’m a cisgender, heterosexual, white person, so yeah.  But I’m also a woman living in 2017, so there’s a one in five chance I’m a sexual assault survivor (spoiler alert: I am). One in five are also the odds of growing up in poverty in the US (yup).  There’s also a one in ten chance I’ve suffered a major depressive disorder (I think you know where I’m going with this).

Loving myself shouldn’t be rebellion, which is why I had never thought of it that way before.  But when I look at my crazy awesome life, it shocks me how much I still focus on the negative.  “All these things” happened, but “all THESE things” are happening now. So, of COURSE I love myself.  I also doubt myself, insult myself, worry myself, and disgust myself.  And I really don’t enjoy it! But shit happens.  Then I remember to love myself again. The endless cycle is one I’d love to end, though I don’t know if it’s possible.  Instead, I will write about it.  Instead, I will honor people who exemplify the Crown Optional persona.  So what does that mean?

When engaging in negative self-talk, the advice is usually, “You should treat yourself like your best friend.” I think you should take it further.  Treat yourself like royalty.  Now, I’m not some bougie socialite who actually knows or associates with royals.  It’s a concept, yo. Royals walk into a room with confidence, not because they know they belong, but because they don’t care.  Any Downton Abbey fans? Remember when the upstairs folks would just jaunt on down to the kitchen whenever they pleased? It was awkward and uncomfortable for the staff, but the Lords and Ladies didn’t care.

“Should we go to the kitchen and be awkward, Mary?” “Oh, Edith, what a wretched idea.” “You can bring your drink.” “Oh, very well then. But I insist we sit on the carefully cleaned butcher block.” Credit: Carnival Film and Television, Ltd

I think everyone should find the thing inside themselves that makes them feel that damn confident.  I’m a really good teacher.  I’m funny.  I am strong.  I can bake pretty cakes.  I can cuddle a kid to comfort. I’m always right.  Ha.  See how funny?

I have a few friends who, right now, are not living up to their fullest potential.  I can say that only because they are super good friends, and I know what they are capable of.  It’s as if I can see their crowns, but they can’t.  And you can’t find someone’s for them! Any amount of compliment and bolstering is awesome, but it doesn’t serve to put that hypothetical crown on their heads. You with me? I think if people tap into their own little happy places, even the ones they’ve never told anyone about, magic will happen.  And you might not know what your happy place is.  So find it.  And put a crown on it.  Or don’t.

(P.S. There is no Part 2.  But I bet you looked for it.  April Fools ;-))